I Caved...

I caved. I logged in. And now I'm thinking it wasn't the best idea.... All it took was one picture and one caption to make my heart sink. All it took was one picture and one caption to send me back to the way I was feeling before I quit Facebook.


I thought I'd be okay. I thought I could sign in and be fine. I was wrong. Just a little backtracking here.... There were a couple reasons why I left Facebook.

1) I was neglecting my devotions and prayer time.
2) I had recently been hurt by a guy and wanted wipe him from my life for awhile....I wanted to get away until I was ready to delete him from my Facebook. I wanted to go back to being that girl that wasn't checking his facebook everytime I logged on to see who he was talking to. There it is. I've admitted it. Yeah...I was doing that.


Anyway... It was fine at first, but then on the right side of my page it started showing me friends that had been tagged in pictures. Can you guess who the first person was?? None other than the guy that hurt me. Go figure! So what did stupid Leah do? You guessed it! She clicked. This is where my heart sank. The picture was of him and his "ex" walking to the beach in Saugatuck. On the same path that he and I took. It's more than just the path though. Seeing that picture just made every assumption I made about our time together feel that much truer. Maybe I'm just being silly here (because I KNOW that nothing between us would have been right for me), but it hurt. It felt like a slap in the face. It made the feeling of getting played by him that much stronger. I spent six weeks with this guy thinking that he had a genuine interest in me and seeing this picture is proof that I was wrong.


Please don't misunderstand me. I don't want to go running to him or anything. It's not like that. I really am happy. I love my life, I love my job, and I have a great group of friends and an amazing family. I'm truly happy, but seeing the picture brings so much to the surface. It brings a lot of hurt to the surface. The hurt that comes from knowing that there are people out there that don't find "worth" in you. The hurt that comes from thinking about the time invested in someone when all you were to them was a game. And the hurt that comes from wondering if it's all going to be worth it in the end, wondering if your "number" will ever be called. Even after seeing the picture I can't delete him. I probably sound like a pathetic little high schooler, but I can't delete him yet. Which brings me to the whole point of this post....



I don't think I'm ready to be back on Facebook yet....

I'm Home...

You know the feeling of relief you get when you walk in the front door of your home after being gone on a very busy, very stressful trip?? You know, where you just take a deep breath and exhale a wisper of "I'm home?"
Yeah, I had that today.

When Movie Gallery started liquidating the stores, there was a rumor that Family Video would take over the location in Sparta. Then that rumor was confirmed. Before my store even closed permanently, I had an application into Family Video. After they closed, I got an interview, passed the test they make you take and got hired in. From there it's been a crazy, crazy whirlwind of trying to transition from the way I was used to (Movie Gallery) to a better way (Family Video). I had to start cramming a LOT of new information into my little brain in a very short amount of time. While all of this is going on, I had an interview with the Regional Manager and got the position of assistant manager for the Sparta location (the same location that my Movie Gallery was at and the same location I applied to with Family Video). So now, not only do I have to learn all sorts of new information that any regular employee must learn, but I must also learn a lot of the assistant manager information. Let me tell you, it has been a CRAZY ride!! Fun, but crazy.

Then today happened. After being shipped around to all sorts of locations for my training, I was finally sent to Sparta for the Grand Opening. I was on cloud nine all day long. Some of you may think that I'm absolutely nuts, but I couldn't wait to be back there. I missed everyone. I don't work with any of the same people, but most of the customers are the same. Getting to see their faces today made me so happy. They really have no idea how much I missed all of them. And I can't really tell them...it might sound kind of crazy. For real though, I had worked at MG for four years. I got to know so many of the customers so well that it felt like I was leaving family. One of the previous regulars came in and he topped my day off. He showed just as much excitement to see me as I did to see him. He told me that he was worried no one familiar would be working, but then he saw me through the window and couldn't wait to get inside. It was like a mini family reunion. We hugged and laughed and talked...and then of course, he signed up and rented movies. =)

Seriously, as I said before, I felt like I was on cloud nine all day long. Then my shift ended. I walked out to my car, got in, sat down, smiled and said to myself.... I'm home.

Enough is Enough...

The Duggars. I'm sure you've heard that name before. If not, let me fill you in. They got a reality TV show called "17 and counting." Now they're up to 19. That's not all.... THEY WANT ANOTHER!! This is wrong for MANY reasons!

Number ONE
They already have 19. Should I have to say any more???

Number TWO
She is 43. Not that age should be a big deal, but there are already signs that her body has had enough. The last baby, baby 19, was born 3 months premature. Why? Because Mommy Dearest Duggar had pre-eclampsia! The poor child spent the first six months of her life in a hospital with many life threatening issues including a perforated bowel. Which brings me to:

Number THREE
It's not fair to the children that you're bringing into this world if they're going to have a life full of medical issues because of your selfishness.

Am I being harsh? Probably, but I don't care!! I'm all for family values and seeing children as God's blessing, but there has got to come a point when you decide that enough is enough and you start taking into consideration the health of yourself and your children. Personally, I think this has become more of a selfishness issue than anything else. They've made money off of their situation and we all know that they'll make more the more children they have. Why the heck do you think "and counting" is at the end of their show title? I think it's sick and shameful. Take care of your children and get off TV and out of the magazines. Think about the health and lives of those children rather than the green you may see. Yes, God wants us to bring life into this world, but at the same time, he created the human that created birth control...See THAT as one of His many wonderful blessings as well!!