Thursday, July 29, 2010

Love...


What is love??

Everyone has their own idea of what love is. For a few, it's a feeling in the pit of their stomach, the ache to be near. For some, love is knowing that you can trust and rely on that person 100%. And for others love comes with the knowledge that you want that person in your life, regardless of the ups and downs that may come your way. It can pop into your life without warning or slowing build it's way into your heart. Sometimes, it even lies dormant until you decide to acknowlege it. When it does come into your life though, it changes you. It makes you a little stronger.

So many of the fairy tales out there are about finding love in a man. These girls go through many struggles, but then a man appears. Once that man comes into their life everything becomes perfect and they live "happily ever after." Movies even try to convince us that the best love is found in someone that you can spend your nights with, they seem to eqivalate good sex with love. Both the fairy tales and the movie industry have missed the boat when it comes to love. They're missing the big picture.

For years, I've wanted (and still want) a strong relationship with a man. I want to "fall in love." I want to feel like I'm worth coming home to, and I want someone to come home to. I've always thought that real love comes when you meet "the right one" and finding him would be the best dream come true. Just like the movies and fairytales, I've missed the big picture. I've been so worried about finding the "right one" that I haven't spent enough time focusing on the love already in my life.

I have parents that would take the world on their back to see me happy and protected. I have friends that sit and listen to my insane rants about life and love and how miserable it can be sometimes. I have friends that look at me and in that single instant know if it's a good or bad day. They know my heart, they know my dreams, and sometimes, without telling them, they know my feelings. I have people all around me that LOVE me. And I do in fact love them. Most I would be willing to lay my life down for. I would do everything in my power to make sure they are taken care of, even if it means sacrificing some of my own pleasures. The ones I'm talking about, the ones closest to me, I can trust with my heart, my life, my tears. I know their intentions are not to harm me. Most of all, I've experience a true God that hears my cries and comforts me through it all. He doesn't judge the way I look or the imperfections that taunt me. He loves me. They love me. Clear and simple. Despite all of this, I search and I long for the one "right" love that will make my "dreams come true," rather than looking in front of me and seeing the love that's already there. The love that will always be there. Sometimes, I take their love for granted. I may never find the love that every girl dreams about, but I can hold strong in the knowledge that I'm loved. If a man shows up that can love me the same way my family and closest friends do, I will accept him with open arms, but if it never comes, I will remember that I still have love. From my God, my family and my friends. I have love.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Buh-Bye Facebook...


I took a big step on Monday and deactivated my Facebook account. It's only been two days and I'm having "withdrawls." I knew Facebook consumed a large amount of my time, but I didn't realize HOW addicted to it I was. Even as I type this, I want to sign in and just pick up where I left off, but I'm determined to use self control and dicipline. I'm sure the urge to sign in will subside once I've been away from it for awhile, but right now it's just so strong.

I told my friends and family that while I'm away from it, I will use the new "free time" on my daily devotions and prayer. I guess that means it's time to shut down the computer and do just that.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Am I ever going to get it right? Will the well of insecurities ever run dry? For my heart's sake, I'd sure like to know....