A few posts back (seems like forever ago) I mentioned that I would let you all know what's been going on with me and why I've been missing from the blogsphere. When I posted that, everything I was dealing with was still very fresh and I wasn't ready/willing to share it with the world (or blogger world in this case), but I think I'm finally at a point where I'm ready.
Back in February I was permanently laid of from my job of four years. A job I had come to love and enjoy. It was completely out of the blue and due to the downturn of the economy. My initial thought when it happened was "What am I going to do? I have a car payment, bills, life, meds, etc." I was scared out of my mind. Then they told me that they weren't going to fight my unemployment and they sent me off with a severence package. It eased my worries a little, but I was still scared out of my mind. My big thing was the seperation. I have a tendency to bond to people quickly and when I do, I invest. My time, my friendship, and in this case, even some of my tears. The people I worked with were like another family to me. We weren't a very large company so it was very easy to make friends and maintain those friendships. The workplace was like another home. There was a comfort there and in an instant, it was gone.
I went from having a decent income and not really worrying about my bills (I was even going to be out on my own in a year) to consistantly trusting the Lord and praying that he would provide my NEEDS. I went from having daily interactions with everyone there to feeling like a chunk of my heart had been ripped out. I wouldn't really say it then, but I was a wreck. I would tell people about the "silver lining" of my ordeal (school) and would tell them I missed the people, but no one knew of the nights I cried alone because I was so afraid of where this journey was going to lead me. Afraid that they were going to forget me. I didn't tell them of the days that I felt like going back and begging for my job because I was afraid of starting over.
There are still a few things I fear in regards to all of this, but I've been trying more and more to turn that fear into trust. Trust that the Lord will continue to come through. I say continue because he has come through. I've been able to pay my bills. I still have my car, I'm able to maintain my child-sponsorship, and I'm still afloat. I may not have the money for some of life's extra's, but I can pay my bills. I still hear from the girls at the office periodically and when I stop in, they are thrilled to see me. They haven't forgot about me and I'm so very happy about that. It hasn't been an easy thing for me, but the initial shock, pain and fear have subsided.
I'm now in college and working toward "the better life." I'm pursuing more relationships (friendships) and trying to get more plugged into the church. I'm trying to take this terrible situation and turn it into a positive. I may not know the plans He has for me, but I'm going to trust Him to lead me. It won't always be easy. I won't always want to go. In fact, I'm sure there will be more worries, pain and tears down the road, but for now I'm okay. That's all I can ask for right now. =)
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13
