Again with the Trusting...

I feel like there's a big black cloud above my head. As I sit and wait to hear on the future of my unemployment there's this anxiety rising up inside me. I'm going through all of the scenarios of what will happen if I lose it (my unemployment, not my sanity) and it scares me. I have been filling out applications and trying to find a SECOND part time job (because I've had no luck finding full-time employment) just in case something happens, but I've had no luck snagging one yet. I've got two weeks before I know for sure if I continue receiving it or not. While there are moments (many, many moments) that I want to scream and cry and get angry, I'm trying my best not to (kind of failing on the crying part). I have been learning more and more to trust God and this is a scenario where I have to do it again. I don't know what'll happen if I lose my unemployment. I don't know what God has lined up for me and yet I keep trusting. It's hard for me. It's scary, but when the world around me seems to be falling apart, the only thing I have left is to trust Him. I'll do what I can, I put as much effort into it as possible, but after that, I have to trust that God is going to use my work and fulfill his purpose for me. And even though I know he's not going to let me "drown," there are times when I feel like I will. I'm just looking forward to having this big black cloud gone. Gone so I can, once again, live my life without the fear of what tomorrow will bring. Without the anxiety and tears. Until then, all I can do is trust. And trust some more.