Mr. Sunglass Man....

Dear Mr. I Must Wear Sunglasses Indoors Becuase I Think I'm Cool:

You're not. Don't get me wrong...your sunglasses were hot, and you weren't too bad yourself, but REALLY? I totally get that you want to show off your Ray Bans, but they are sunglasses. Repeat with me... SUNglasses. Yes...SUNglasses...which means when it's cloudy and grey outside, YOU. DON'T. NEED THEM! And if you come indoors on a cloudy grey day, you DEFINITELY don't need them.

Let me state for the record again, you were hot, but something about you keeping your sunglasses on while you were inside totally voided out that hotness. So unless you come into my store with Jon Bon Jovi (the ONE man that I'd totally give a 'sunglasses indoors' pass to), please take 'em off. They make you look like a douche.

Thank you and Sincerely,

The Girl Behind the Counter That Thinks You Look Like a Fool.

Like I Promised...

Yesterday's post was a tad bit heavy and full of "venom." I promised a happier post today and I always keep my promises.

We have this tree in our yard that has always been a favorite of mine. I've painted it in the winter for art class, I've layed under it many times snapping pictures in summer and I've taken so many pictures of it in the fall that I'm running out of shots (that don't include me actually climbing into the tree). The tree is unique. It's a maple tree, but it's not like any maple tree I've ever seen. You see, this maple tree has a very weird curve in it's trunk. I've lived in this house all my life and all my life the tree has looked the same. I've asked my dad many times how it got it's curve and every time, he doesn't know. Looking at the tree, I would imagine that it got struck by lightning, but I guess I'll never know. Regardless, it's my favorite tree. Being that it was a BEAUTIFUL day here in Michigan, I decided to snap a picture of my tree and share it with you.

We're at a point in Michigan that the weather is starting to get cold and crisp and our days are becoming shorter, but today we were blessed with sunshine and a little bit of warmth. The way the sun shined through the tree made it impossible to not snap a picture.
To me, today was the PERFECT fall day. I will soak it all while I can because before you know it, fall's little brother will be here and the rumor is that he's not going to be very nice this year. So, to all you Michiganders (and non-Michiganders), soak it in and enjoy the beauty!

Just So You're Aware...

Let me use this post to clear a few things up for *you...

Just because someone has diabetes doesn't mean they are unhealthy!

I'm sure what was said today wasn't meant in the way that it was taken, but it got me going. I'm cool now (for the most part), but I was pretty pissed when you said it. I'm now here to clear some things up for you about my health.

Yes, I have diabetes. Yes, I'm overweight, but overall I am healthy. My cholesterol levels are perfect every single time they're checked. My blood pressure is always spot on (if not a tad low). My lungs are healthy, and all of my organs still function properly (minus the pancreas...obviously). I pay attention to what I eat and try to avoid the processed and "junk" food as much as possible. Am I human and give in from time to time? Absolutely! Does that make me unhealthy? Absolutely not! Sure, I could change a few things, I won't deny that. I could work on getting more sleep and become more active. I'll admit that. But all in all, I'm a healthy 25 year old.

9 years ago, when I was maxed out at nearly 300 pounds, anyone would've had the right to call me unhealthy. Bad cholesterol, bad blood pressure, bad eating habits, bad EVERYTHING! But today?? Absolutely not!! And you were out of line for even saying so. Even if I was the smallest twig in the world, chances are I'd still have diabetes. The diabetes I have is NOT caused by weight, it's caused my genetic makeup. And the weight thing? I don't know if you were even referring to that, but let me make one thing clear. I've come a long freaking way and I'm not going to let your stupid little comment affect my progress. You don't live my life and you don't know my habits, you know I have diabetes. That's it! And having diabetes doesn't make me unhealthy. So stick that in your juice box and suck it!

*The 'you' that this is aimed toward will forever remain anonymous. He'll never, ever see this blog, but I still needed to get it off my chest.

Happy/non-abrasive post coming tomorrow.... =)

....

I did it. I wasn't ready to do it, but I knew I had to. I deleted him tonight. My heart raced before I confirmed the request and I hestitated, but I followed through. Like that, it was all gone. I think I'm okay. I'll know for sure in the morning....or not. Who knows.... All I really know is, I did it.

If only I could find the 'remove friend' button on my heart....

I Caved...

I caved. I logged in. And now I'm thinking it wasn't the best idea.... All it took was one picture and one caption to make my heart sink. All it took was one picture and one caption to send me back to the way I was feeling before I quit Facebook.


I thought I'd be okay. I thought I could sign in and be fine. I was wrong. Just a little backtracking here.... There were a couple reasons why I left Facebook.

1) I was neglecting my devotions and prayer time.
2) I had recently been hurt by a guy and wanted wipe him from my life for awhile....I wanted to get away until I was ready to delete him from my Facebook. I wanted to go back to being that girl that wasn't checking his facebook everytime I logged on to see who he was talking to. There it is. I've admitted it. Yeah...I was doing that.


Anyway... It was fine at first, but then on the right side of my page it started showing me friends that had been tagged in pictures. Can you guess who the first person was?? None other than the guy that hurt me. Go figure! So what did stupid Leah do? You guessed it! She clicked. This is where my heart sank. The picture was of him and his "ex" walking to the beach in Saugatuck. On the same path that he and I took. It's more than just the path though. Seeing that picture just made every assumption I made about our time together feel that much truer. Maybe I'm just being silly here (because I KNOW that nothing between us would have been right for me), but it hurt. It felt like a slap in the face. It made the feeling of getting played by him that much stronger. I spent six weeks with this guy thinking that he had a genuine interest in me and seeing this picture is proof that I was wrong.


Please don't misunderstand me. I don't want to go running to him or anything. It's not like that. I really am happy. I love my life, I love my job, and I have a great group of friends and an amazing family. I'm truly happy, but seeing the picture brings so much to the surface. It brings a lot of hurt to the surface. The hurt that comes from knowing that there are people out there that don't find "worth" in you. The hurt that comes from thinking about the time invested in someone when all you were to them was a game. And the hurt that comes from wondering if it's all going to be worth it in the end, wondering if your "number" will ever be called. Even after seeing the picture I can't delete him. I probably sound like a pathetic little high schooler, but I can't delete him yet. Which brings me to the whole point of this post....



I don't think I'm ready to be back on Facebook yet....

I'm Home...

You know the feeling of relief you get when you walk in the front door of your home after being gone on a very busy, very stressful trip?? You know, where you just take a deep breath and exhale a wisper of "I'm home?"
Yeah, I had that today.

When Movie Gallery started liquidating the stores, there was a rumor that Family Video would take over the location in Sparta. Then that rumor was confirmed. Before my store even closed permanently, I had an application into Family Video. After they closed, I got an interview, passed the test they make you take and got hired in. From there it's been a crazy, crazy whirlwind of trying to transition from the way I was used to (Movie Gallery) to a better way (Family Video). I had to start cramming a LOT of new information into my little brain in a very short amount of time. While all of this is going on, I had an interview with the Regional Manager and got the position of assistant manager for the Sparta location (the same location that my Movie Gallery was at and the same location I applied to with Family Video). So now, not only do I have to learn all sorts of new information that any regular employee must learn, but I must also learn a lot of the assistant manager information. Let me tell you, it has been a CRAZY ride!! Fun, but crazy.

Then today happened. After being shipped around to all sorts of locations for my training, I was finally sent to Sparta for the Grand Opening. I was on cloud nine all day long. Some of you may think that I'm absolutely nuts, but I couldn't wait to be back there. I missed everyone. I don't work with any of the same people, but most of the customers are the same. Getting to see their faces today made me so happy. They really have no idea how much I missed all of them. And I can't really tell them...it might sound kind of crazy. For real though, I had worked at MG for four years. I got to know so many of the customers so well that it felt like I was leaving family. One of the previous regulars came in and he topped my day off. He showed just as much excitement to see me as I did to see him. He told me that he was worried no one familiar would be working, but then he saw me through the window and couldn't wait to get inside. It was like a mini family reunion. We hugged and laughed and talked...and then of course, he signed up and rented movies. =)

Seriously, as I said before, I felt like I was on cloud nine all day long. Then my shift ended. I walked out to my car, got in, sat down, smiled and said to myself.... I'm home.

Enough is Enough...

The Duggars. I'm sure you've heard that name before. If not, let me fill you in. They got a reality TV show called "17 and counting." Now they're up to 19. That's not all.... THEY WANT ANOTHER!! This is wrong for MANY reasons!

Number ONE
They already have 19. Should I have to say any more???

Number TWO
She is 43. Not that age should be a big deal, but there are already signs that her body has had enough. The last baby, baby 19, was born 3 months premature. Why? Because Mommy Dearest Duggar had pre-eclampsia! The poor child spent the first six months of her life in a hospital with many life threatening issues including a perforated bowel. Which brings me to:

Number THREE
It's not fair to the children that you're bringing into this world if they're going to have a life full of medical issues because of your selfishness.

Am I being harsh? Probably, but I don't care!! I'm all for family values and seeing children as God's blessing, but there has got to come a point when you decide that enough is enough and you start taking into consideration the health of yourself and your children. Personally, I think this has become more of a selfishness issue than anything else. They've made money off of their situation and we all know that they'll make more the more children they have. Why the heck do you think "and counting" is at the end of their show title? I think it's sick and shameful. Take care of your children and get off TV and out of the magazines. Think about the health and lives of those children rather than the green you may see. Yes, God wants us to bring life into this world, but at the same time, he created the human that created birth control...See THAT as one of His many wonderful blessings as well!!

Love...

What is love??

Everyone has their own idea of what love is. For a few, it's a feeling in the pit of their stomach, the ache to be near. For some, love is knowing that you can trust and rely on that person 100%. And for others love comes with the knowledge that you want that person in your life, regardless of the ups and downs that may come your way. It can pop into your life without warning or slowing build it's way into your heart. Sometimes, it even lies dormant until you decide to acknowlege it. When it does come into your life though, it changes you. It makes you a little stronger.

So many of the fairy tales out there are about finding love in a man. These girls go through many struggles, but then a man appears. Once that man comes into their life everything becomes perfect and they live "happily ever after." Movies even try to convince us that the best love is found in someone that you can spend your nights with, they seem to eqivalate good sex with love. Both the fairy tales and the movie industry have missed the boat when it comes to love. They're missing the big picture.

For years, I've wanted (and still want) a strong relationship with a man. I want to "fall in love." I want to feel like I'm worth coming home to, and I want someone to come home to. I've always thought that real love comes when you meet "the right one" and finding him would be the best dream come true. Just like the movies and fairytales, I've missed the big picture. I've been so worried about finding the "right one" that I haven't spent enough time focusing on the love already in my life.

I have parents that would take the world on their back to see me happy and protected. I have friends that sit and listen to my insane rants about life and love and how miserable it can be sometimes. I have friends that look at me and in that single instant know if it's a good or bad day. They know my heart, they know my dreams, and sometimes, without telling them, they know my feelings. I have people all around me that LOVE me. And I do in fact love them. Most I would be willing to lay my life down for. I would do everything in my power to make sure they are taken care of, even if it means sacrificing some of my own pleasures. The ones I'm talking about, the ones closest to me, I can trust with my heart, my life, my tears. I know their intentions are not to harm me. Most of all, I've experience a true God that hears my cries and comforts me through it all. He doesn't judge the way I look or the imperfections that taunt me. He loves me. They love me. Clear and simple. Despite all of this, I search and I long for the one "right" love that will make my "dreams come true," rather than looking in front of me and seeing the love that's already there. The love that will always be there. Sometimes, I take their love for granted. I may never find the love that every girl dreams about, but I can hold strong in the knowledge that I'm loved. If a man shows up that can love me the same way my family and closest friends do, I will accept him with open arms, but if it never comes, I will remember that I still have love. From my God, my family and my friends. I have love.

Buh-Bye Facebook...

I took a big step on Monday and deactivated my Facebook account. It's only been two days and I'm having "withdrawls." I knew Facebook consumed a large amount of my time, but I didn't realize HOW addicted to it I was. Even as I type this, I want to sign in and just pick up where I left off, but I'm determined to use self control and dicipline. I'm sure the urge to sign in will subside once I've been away from it for awhile, but right now it's just so strong.

I told my friends and family that while I'm away from it, I will use the new "free time" on my daily devotions and prayer. I guess that means it's time to shut down the computer and do just that.

Am I ever going to get it right? Will the well of insecurities ever run dry? For my heart's sake, I'd sure like to know....